Wednesday, September 28, 2005  @Parody of a Life

A Valuable Lesson

In our constant quest for humour, we sometimes oversee certain things that might be more important than making the world laugh..

Today I learnt something..

I do receive emails from people that are angry at me for no evident reason and even might suggest that I see a doctor.. I receive that with humor, for it is funny to believe that our minds need assistance to prevent themselves from self-destructing..

But not everybody has our sense of humour..

What would happen if, ten years from now, I take one of such emails and post them here.. What happens if that person is really mad at it and decides to come after my kids? What if there's really people that can go that far for a verbal interchange?

Today, you all saw that this blog was spammed multiple times, thus forcing me to limit the amount of comments.. This made me think.. What if..?

It is not everyday that I learn a lesson, but today I have, and I recommend to all of you (especially young kids that think they are indestructible) to avoid flaming on the net..

Today's case involved someone I met in a Richard Stallman talk last year(very interesting talk, may I add).. I know him and he is a person educated in the sciences.. I have to thank him (you know your name) for the wake up call, for I would never think that humour could cause pain in others..

I am sorry if I hurt you.

To the rest of you, don't forget that once the computers are off, it's time to face the real world..

Peace Out from the Piggy

posted by Piggy Twister at 8:52 PM

It's OFF!

Alas, she cheated more than me.. But we both tried hard..

posted by Piggy Twister at 7:21 PM

It's ON!

The war might go on.. But this battle belongs to the Piggy!

posted by Piggy Twister at 6:46 PM

The Dream Factory: How to keep a Dream Diary

Sometimes, when I sleep, I dream..

Sometimes, when I dream, I remember things that never happened..

Or maybe they happened and I have buried them deep in my mind?
Or maybe they will happen one day?
Or maybe they are happening right now in an infinite set of possible realities?

The fact is that I dream.

I've realized that, the more responsibilities I take, the lesser I will remember what went on in dreamland..

When I lived in India (no, I'm not an Indian, you freaking racist) I was very free to do whatever I felt like it.. I happened to feel like keeping a dream diary..

And so I did..

I prepared a pen and a notebook next to my bed, so that I could write things whenever I woke up in the middle of the night either after a dream or with a revolutionary idea in my head..

All set, sleeping time..

I woke up in the morning and nothing was written on the notebook.. Great.. I had actually woken up middle of the night and thought of writing a dream down, but the idea of going back to sleep sounded much more attractive.. Lazy bastard..

I continued this setting until one night I woke up middle of the night after a dream and managed to grab the pencil and paper.. I wrote everything down on the notebook with as much detail as possible.. Mission One accomplished!..

In the morning, when I tried to read back what I had read, I found myself staring at some symbols from an ancient language.. And forget about straight lines: text was overlapping and curved all over the paper.. I guess I should have switched on the lights to write.. But that didn't seem to be an option, especially given that once the lights are ON, the Piggy cannot go back to sleep..

So, I decide to beat the odds and got a voice recorder next to my bed.. Genius..

When I finally got myself to move my lazy infrastructure towards the recorder and get to press the right button (no, they do NOT glow in the dark), I felt that I had started something that would last me for years to come and would result very insightful to my future selves..

In the morning, as I played back the recording, I found myself listening to those same ancient tribes chanting whatever they had previously tried to write in my notebook: mumblings and a certain anger towards "Dronga".. WHAT THE HELL IS A DRONGA?? Whatever it was, it had pissed me off to the point of waking up and curse it in Elbonian.. If you ever come across a Dronga, please beat it up for me..

Defeated again..

I wanted a diary of my dreams.. This couldn't be that hard..

How I solved this? I placed my bedside light UNDER my bed, thus transforming it into my underbed light.. When I woke up next, I switched on the lights and it was REALLY dim to the point of allowing me to write all my stuff and go back to sleep..

In the morning, I was greeted by the full dream staring at me with a grin..

Why the grin, you ask?

Try it yourself, and you'll realize that dreams have this 'in your face' attribute that tells you things about your mind.. You might think/hope that those things are not there, but hypocrisy will not shape reality..

So, as an obvious proof of self-respect and inhibition, I'll start posting my dreams starting today.. That means I need to pick up my good old habit of keeping a notebook next to my bed.. Not sure how will Manu react to the underbed light concept, but we won't know until we try..

So go ahead and do it: keep a diary of your dreams and tell all your friends to do the same.. If nothing else, it's free entertainment.. For those of you with more supernatural tendencies, you might see the future and get the next lottery ticket numbers!

When that happens, remember your old pal Piggy..

posted by Piggy Twister at 6:39 PM

Tuesday, September 27, 2005  @Parody of a Life

Piggy Twister needs help.. so what's new?

Yet again, we are faced with an entity containing complex views of this humankind and a flaming need to reshape it to their own image..

Sounds like I'm talking about you and me..

But nope, let us hold high the flag of hypocrisy and point once again our eyes towards one of my multiple (does TWO qualify as MULTIPLE?) fans that are angry for some reason..

Although, in this case, I might be guilty of one thing.. You see, in a desperate attempt to catch up with the Poe's hits, I emailed all my acquaintances (present and past) about my blog.. Fair enough.. Problem is that the list was extensive (I WISH!) and some additional addresses must have gotten mixed up (think FORWARDED MESSAGE LISTS)..

So I unawaringly contacted some gentleman about this, and he quickly mailed me back to praise my blog:

I do not know who u are. I think u need help. get a friend or see a doctor. take care.

Seeing that this person knew me so well, I proceeded to interact with this enlightened soul, in the hopes that some sparks might fall my way and I'll gain a meaning in this life..

PT:Thanks for your advice.. I will act accordingly.. Sry if my email resulted intrusive, I do not know why your address was in the recipients list.. You are very right.. I need help.. But don't we all? Take Care too :-)

Enlightened Person:it would be nice of you to let me know you. I think I can help you too.. to be a friend. cheers.

At this point I kinda freaked a bit.. He wants to KNOW me.. That sounds pretty faggy.. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but I tend to prefer people that DO NOT rub themselves all over strangers.. So, like in any other tribal interaction, I proceeded to make an offer in the hopes that the indigenous people will like the shiny objects and stay away from our ships.. I just replaced the shiny things with a Gmail account..

EP:I got a google account, but for software
developer related stuff. general audience. here at (email address censored.. for now..).Thanks.

PT:Well.. At least I learnt that I'm "general audience". Which part of my blog gave away the fact that I need help? :-)

EP:look deep enough in ur blog and u'll know... but if u don't... why shd i bother, i just let u be who u are. cheers.

Phew.. I got PERMISSION to be who I am.. Thank you oh enlightened one.. And I can make fun of this because I am assuming that somebody that has everything figured out just like you do, won't bother coming back to my blog.. Just a waste of time.. Right? But wait.. Why are you reading this right now?! Gotcha baby! It's OK to be hypocrite, it's even inevitable..

PT:Hey! I didn't know my blog was deep! Cool! Where can I find your blog? I promise I'll let you be who you are.. :-)

EP:I dun blog. but I do notice a number of bloggers are not in good mental state.

Uh-oh.. You're picking on more than what you can handle.. Baby steps here..

PT:Yeah.. I think blogs might have this therapeutical attribute to them.. Maybe you should try it and see how it
feels? No health hazard.. :-)

EP:well i know one petty girl.. she look nice and all... but after i read her blog, I try very hard to forget about that cock sucking bitch. but if you are ok and honest, state ur name as part of ur blog. That pride and ego of urs is of no help to you. cheers.

PT:It is much easier to be honest when you are not liable for your views.. I thought you'd understand that.. The greater liars are right in the public eye (aka politicians) :-)

EP:LOL... I am held accountable and will be responsible for all my views. There is nothing to be ashame of. I like to be honest. I stand on my views. I do make mistakes, but nice people understand and I learn from that. But if u understand the true sprit of blogs, you will put ur name up. Speak and stand your view and show the
world who you are and what you stand for. That makes a statesman. As what I see now, you are a coward, nonetheless a distrubed soul.

Wow.. As I read back, my piggy eyes are swelling with creepness.. So, there you have it people, I do not understand the true spirit of blogs because I'm a very 'distrubed' soul.. I hope you guys can learn a thing or two from this almighty that is willing to share his wisdom.. Wisdom worthy of a Swan..

PT:There's not an undisturbed soul in this world.. I beg to differ that you share your true self in public, for Psychology has recurrently asserted and demonstrated the difference in the Public and Private behaviour of humans and numerous mammals.. I would tend to think that we are all hypocrites in
our public persona.. The fact that you do not know that, and the recurrent need to use namecalling ("coward", "disturbed soul", "you need help"...), makes me
wonder whether you are still a teenager.. It's all good.. :-)

EP:this is the last email from me. I know you need help. I cannot be bothered much about you unless u take that step to help yourself. listen to this: (quotes my last message) Name calling? That is the best way to describe you. I seriously think u need help. see a doctor.

PT:Goodbye and thank you :-)

I guess that's a BINGO! on the teenager comment..

I forgot to add "Thank you for giving me a blog entry to discuss all my issues in front of a world that undoubtedly supports your views"

But, since he's NOT reading this, I guess I'll have to whisper my thanks to the wind and hope they reach him..

I'm so glad I'm a piggy and not an Enlightened Person..

Edit, 28/SEP/05:
Here's the latest from what has become my greatest fan.. If he continues to surf around my blog, I'll beat the Poe in no time.. Not literally Poe.. Don't be so kinky..

EP:u are going to rot in ur little hell hole until some angels get his way through to you.god have mercy on you soul.

posted by Piggy Twister at 10:01 AM

Monday, September 26, 2005  @Parody of a Life

My new mantra (for now)

From the web.. Today you don't need to listen to my smartass attempts..

How to become an early riser

It is well to be up before daybreak, for such habits contribute to health, wealth, and wisdom.
- Aristotle

Are morning people born or made? In my case it was definitely made. In my early 20s, I rarely went to bed before midnight, and I'd almost always sleep in late. I usually didn't start hitting my stride each day until late afternoon.

But after a while I couldn't ignore the high correlation between success and rising early, even in my own life. On those rare occasions where I did get up early, I noticed that my productivity was almost always higher, not just in the morning but all throughout the day. And I also noticed a significant feeling of well-being. So being the proactive goal-achiever I was, I set out to become a habitual early riser. I promptly set my alarm clock for 5AM...

...and the next morning, I got up just before noon.


I tried again many more times, each time not getting very far with it. I figured I must have been born without the early riser gene. Whenever my alarm went off, my first thought was always to stop that blasted noise and go back to sleep. I tabled this habit for a number of years, but eventually I came across some sleep research that showed me that I was going about this problem the wrong way. Once I applied those ideas, I was able to become an early riser consistently.

It's hard to become an early riser using the wrong strategy. But with the right strategy, it's relatively easy.

The most common wrong strategy is this: You assume that if you're going to get up earlier, you'd better go to bed earlier. So you figure out how much sleep you're getting now, and then just shift everything back a few hours. If you now sleep from midnight to 8am, you figure you'll go to bed at 10pm and get up at 6am instead. Sounds very reasonable, but it will usually fail.

It seems there are two main schools of thought about sleep patterns. One is that you should go to bed and get up at the same times every day. It's like having an alarm clock on both ends - you try to sleep the same hours each night. This seems practical for living in modern society. We need predictability in our schedules. And we need to ensure adequate rest.

The second school says you should listen to your body's needs and go to bed when you're tired and get up when you naturally wake up. This approach is rooted in biology. Our bodies should know how much rest we need, so we should listen to them.

Through trial and error, I found out for myself that both of these schools are suboptimal sleep patterns. Both of them are wrong if you care about productivity. Here's why:

If you sleep set hours, you'll sometimes go to bed when you aren't sleepy enough. If it's taking you more than five minutes to fall asleep each night, you aren't sleepy enough. You're wasting time lying in bed awake and not being asleep. Another problem is that you're assuming you need the same number of hours of sleep every night, which is a false assumption. Your sleep needs vary from day to day.

If you sleep based on what your body tells you, you'll probably be sleeping more than you need - in many cases a lot more, like 10-15 hours more per week (the equivalent of a full waking day). A lot of people who sleep this way get 8+ hours of sleep per night, which is usually too much. Also, your mornings may be less predictable if you're getting up at different times. And because our natural rhythms are sometimes out of tune with the 24-hour clock, you may find that your sleep times begin to drift.

The optimal solution for me has been to combine both approaches. It's very simple, and many early risers do this without even thinking about it, but it was a mental breakthrough for me nonetheless. The solution was to go to bed when I'm sleepy (and only when I'm sleepy) and get up with an alarm clock at a fixed time (7 days per week). So I always get up at the same time (in my case 5am), but I go to bed at different times every night.

I go to bed when I'm too sleepy to stay up. My sleepiness test is that if I couldn't read a book for more than a page or two without drifting off, I'm ready for bed. Most of the time when I go to bed, I'm asleep within three minutes. I lie down, get comfortable, and immediately I'm drifting off. Sometimes I go to bed at 9:30pm; other times I stay up until midnight. Most of the time I go to bed between 10-11pm. If I'm not sleepy, I stay up until I can't keep my eyes open any longer. Reading is an excellent activity to do during this time, since it becomes obvious when I'm too sleepy to read.

When my alarm goes off every morning, I turn it off, stretch for a couple seconds, and sit up. I don't think about it. I've learned that the longer it takes me to get up, the more likely I am to try to sleep in. So I don't allow myself to have conversations in my head about the benefits of sleeping in once the alarm goes off. Even if I want to sleep in, I always get up right away.

After a few days of using this approach, I found that my sleep patterns settled into a natural rhythm. If I got too little sleep one night, I'd automatically be sleepier earlier and get more sleep the next night. And if I had lots of energy and wasn't tired, I'd sleep less. My body learned when to knock me out because it knew I would always get up at the same time and that my wake-up time wasn't negotiable.

A side effect was that on average, I slept about 90 minutes less per night, but I actually felt more well-rested. I was sleeping almost the entire time I was in bed.

I read that most insomniacs are people who go to bed when they aren't sleepy. If you aren't sleepy and find yourself unable to fall asleep quickly, get up and stay awake for a while. Resist sleep until your body begins to release the hormones that rob you of consciousness. If you simply go to bed when you're sleepy and then get up at a fixed time, you'll cure your insomnia. The first night you'll stay up late, but you'll fall asleep right away. You may be tired that first day from getting up too early and getting only a few hours of sleep the whole night, but you'll slog through the day and will want to go to bed earlier that second night. After a few days, you'll settle into a pattern of going to bed at roughly the same time and falling asleep right away.

So if you want to become an early riser (or just exert more control over your sleep patterns), then try this: Go to bed only when you're too sleepy to stay up, and get up at a fixed time every morning.

posted by Piggy Twister at 9:41 AM

BlogWars Week 3 - Piggy's Wrath

I hope I don't get fired over the amount of time spent pinging for hits..

There's no way I can go through another week like this without something burning down..

Guess the Poe will crush me after all.. Sausages and Ham anyone?

Serves me right for trying to have a self-esteem..

posted by Piggy Twister at 1:02 AM

Friday, September 23, 2005  @Parody of a Life

Blogger's Jihad

Do not read this if you are a political creep.

As you all may know (except for those of you that don't know), all blogger users have a profile number assigned to them when they register..

I am 4078508

That means that more than 4 million people are better than me at figuring out what's going on and joining the crew.. I'm not counting members of other online diaries because they suck.. The grass might be greener on the other side, but the women are better here..

Now that we have already established my superiority over the other 6 billion people that spend their time screwing grass, let us examine the symbolism of the figures..

Users 1,2 and 4 are founders/creators of Blogger (all hail our masters).. User 3 did not share his/her profile, thus leading us to believe that s/he is fat..

As a good idle piggy, I went and searched for the only symbolic number that I can think of, which of course was 666..

Turns out that user 666 either does not exist or does not share profile.. Fair enough..

Let's check user number 6 then.. *types on keyboard*.. nothing.. hum..

66?.. Nada..

6666?? Nope..

After extensive research, we come across the shocking truth: the only sequence of sixes that is a profile in blogger is number 6666666..

This could mean that Blogger thought "better keep away the demons".. Fair enough since some presidents like to put their beliefs in every national decision..

What's disturbing is that user 6666666 is some arab called بني آدم صناعة وتجميع مصري
. (If you can't read those arabic characters, it's your fault).. I don't remember much from my arab classes.. But I think that spells.. O-sama bin La-den.. I could be wrong though..

So there you have it.. That's where Osama has been hiding all these years! No wonder Bush couldn't find him! He was in Blogger! Not in Afghanistan anymore!!

Pity Osama: he only has 8 profile views as per today.. No friends.. That would explain why he's so infuriated against tall buildings..

So come on people! Let's bring some traffic to our friend and let him feel the warmth of our caring towards him.. After all, according to the president's beliefs, we should always turn the other cheek..

posted by Piggy Twister at 6:09 PM

Thursday, September 22, 2005  @Parody of a Life

The Global Blog Chain

Today is the first day of our quest for eternity.. I was busy looking for funny things to do with my tie when the magic of MLM showed me the way to eternity: What if we make a chain interconnecting ALL the blogs in the Universe? That would certainly be awesome.. And I'm sure it works because NOBODY has thought of chain letters or anything like that before!


And thus thy Global Blog Chain was borneth, and thy Piggy Twister saw it was fun; and thy Piggy Twister restedth for the remaining six-and-a-half days.

Here's how it's gonna work (yes, I know it will work only in my mind, thanks for the reminder.. But that's the most I could hope for..):
-I link 3 target blogs in my link chain (add them to my sidebar under "Global Blog Chain") and post a comment in each target blog to these instructions
-Target blog links are only to be functional once the target blogger has tagged 3 more people; until then, only text without hyperlink is to be posted
-They can post the instructions in their site or link directly to the instructions here or anywhere else
-They tag 3 more blogs, add them to the sidebar (together with the tagger's blog) and the chain grows..
-I have received so many chain letters, that I'm assuming people must love to do this crap..
-Here's the catch: this is not just crappy chaining, it should boost all participants' rating in search engines since the Spider softwares will have a direct path interconnecting all those blogs(and that, my friends, is pretty much all I know about search engines)
-After a few years, those in the chain will get to form a secret society and have a secret handshake and all..

So what do you say? Are you in?
I'll try initially tagging Misstake, RXS and Kinky Poe.. Let's how badly I get beaten up for being such a kid..

posted by Piggy Twister at 4:06 PM

Ame and Kari

I was busy with my morning schedule of rolling out of bed, avoiding little green people, kick Manu in the place where he used to have nuts and finally make it to the toilet.. You could say it was a normal day..

For some reason, today I wasn't rushed for time and thus could use water for my morning shower.. That was kinda nice, you should try it sometime..

What matters here is that, before leaving to the office, I came across a little tiny email in my mailbox..

Turns out that two old friends are getting married.. To each other!!

Ok ok, flashback time so that you guys are not so confused about the whole scenario:
it's been seven years since I left the country where I was born.. Now I reside in Asia and couldn't be happier about it.. Before I left my country I tried a year in a National Uni for Biology.. Well, at that time, I still didn't know that sciences require actual knowledge while business requires a nice smile, so forgive my naivety..

The fact is that, while in that Uni, I met this fella who was big, damn friendly, and always ready to joke about stuff.. Great guy..

For some reason beyond my understanding, instead of beating me up (YES, I was a nerd, we've already gone through this.. just let it go..) we started hanging out since we shared all subjects.. Sounds like the beginning of a lovely love story..

Back then, I had no friends (BACK THEN.. shut up) and thus I always carried with me a deck of cards to talk to and hug whenever I felt alone.. There's this national card game in my country called "Truco" which means Trick.. I'm sure you needed to know that..

Me and this guy (Ame) were keen to play this game while awaiting for our lecturers to come out of hibernation and decide to show up in the classroom.. Problem was that the game requires 4 players to be fun.. Four! That's more acquaintances that I'd ever have!

But I was an uninhibited nerd.. So I told Ame: "Easey.. All we have to do is to say the name of this card game aloud, and people will come".. I remember EXACTLY the moment when I said "TRUCO" in the middle of a classroom with about 50 people in there.. Two meters away from us, a pair of eyes lifted themselves from the floor towards our direction.. Kari was born..

We all became a study group and used to hang out during the days..

It didn't take long (actually, during Ame's birthday) before Ame had hooked her up.. I also remember specifically the happiness in both of them when, by the end of the party, they had found each other..

I know what you're thinking: "But Piggy Twister is much sexier that any other human being. How come she didn't fall for HIM instead?".. I understand you.. But that's a common misconception: Piggy Twister is sexier than both humans AND any other creature.. The problem is that nobody seems to notice that..

Ever since I read the news about their wedding I've been smiling.. Doesn't look like it's gonna stop anytime soon..

I'll be going back to the country where I was born somewhere next February for a month.. So maybe I'll get to congratulate them in person..

That's a kickass married couple that is being born today, 22nd Sep 05..

Now, on the backlash side: the wife asked "so when is your turn?".. Me and the wife have not gone through the signing papers thingie.. And of course every time somebody catches the wedding bug, she gets infected for a little while..

Guess it's time to go shopping and get her something entertaining so that her mind gets distracted..

posted by Piggy Twister at 9:50 AM